Learning how to use my ears.

My wife started her own photography business a few months back.(you should check it out here! It has been developing slowly much to our dismay. But it grew as fast at it could considering that she was working 40+ hours a week as a nanny. The slow growth is not something that we desired, but we are OK with it. We both understand that good things and businesses do not develop overnight. Your children are not conceived, grown and born in a week. It takes an average 9 months for them to grow up enough to come into the world. I like to think of her business like that. Today might be considered a kick in the womb. The business has not been fully born yet, but it's working on it. And that leaves my wife in a vulnerable position at times.

Like I said, up until now business has been slow. She quite often thought that the business would never grow, like an un-watered seed. She had a hard time believing that it would ever grow into anything at all. Her faith was being tested as was her trust in the Lord. And she was turning to me for help.

I wasn't raised in the most supportive family situation. Most of the encouragement that needed wasn't there. Or when it was there, it was in short supply. My mother was torn between the two men in her life, my step-dad and myself. Occasionally she would get in trouble for talking to me in my room. So, needless to say, there were issues growing up.

But at that moment, listening to my wife talk about her fears and worries, I was being called upon to do something that I was not comfortable doing. I did not have much practice in supporting another person. I spent so much time alone that I suppose I never learned how to do. I felt very uncomfortable at that time. I said something like "eh, don't worry about it. It will be OK." Which is pretty much a write-off. I never asked her why she was so worried about it. I never said anything that tells her that I was listening. Now this was early in our marriage and I have since had chances to improve on my support techniques.

I was called out of my comfort zone. I was challenged with something that I had never encountered seriously. Before my wife all the times i was called to be supportive (which were not many, I was a loner for my adolescent years) were never taken seriously. So what is a man to do. I had a job to do, but I did not have the tools to get it done. I didn't have a plan. Worse of all, in this situation, I didn't have anything to say. But I was given the words to speak and shown how to act in this situation by watching others. I asked my wife questions about why she was getting discouraged. I probed into the problem and while no resolution was reached. She was comforted by me just merely listening. Another skill I've had to learn since I was married. I was out of my comfort zone, addressing a problem I was ill equipped to handle at that time. It was not the first time and it sure won't be the last time.